Don't you send me to vm
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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