So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize