Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
