It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
