can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
