Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
