did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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