I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
