Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize