Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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