My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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