I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
