Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think my vagina is haunted
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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