dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
