i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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