Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
