im drinking this country out of the recession.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
