insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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