remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If that was your dad, he is hot
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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