woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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