I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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