Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
