You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
