Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
