it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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