Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
