That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
