That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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