Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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