Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
