Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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