If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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