and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
