just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
