i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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