hotel room ftw
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
