Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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