why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
