I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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