six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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