Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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