Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
