You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
