Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
