I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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