Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
