I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
