Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
this beer tastes like vomit already
In America we eat man semen.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
