Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I cockslap morals
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Randomize
