Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize