Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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