Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Say something about gay babies.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
