Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
