I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
