You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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