I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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