Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
