Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
