Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize