I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
