why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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