I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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