Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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