I don't think brook has ever known best
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
