glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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