shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
