think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
