We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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