the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
