You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
