So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
