I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
