So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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