I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
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