the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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