dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
