I CAN MOONWALK!
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
