This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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