My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
