Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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