i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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