Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
