Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize