I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
